You are important, too. I know you feel obligated as a mother, wife, daughter, granddaughter, etc. to always be helping others. You want to be as kind, caring, and compassionate as possible. You also take great joy in helping others and making them feel good. It is a wonderful and important thing to care for others. It is one of the reasons we are put here on this earth.
However, Rosalie, my dear, YOU are important, too. It isn’t okay to constantly be putting yourself and your well being on the back burner. You are a human being, too. You have needs, desires, and dreams, too. You feel pain. You get sick. You have bad, discouraging days just like everyone else. You also need your own help, as well as help from others, from time to time. I know it is an old, worn-out cliche, but no one is an island–so quit isolating yourself from the helping hands of others! And please, start making your well being and happiness a priority, too!
I know you are under tremendous pressure right now. You have only been married less than 5 months, and you are fighting nonstop with your husband. He doesn’t know how to handle your chronic illness or the financial turmoil it causes since you can’t work outside your home. He doesn’t (despite his best efforts) understand why you can’t get everyday tasks done or maintain a house “properly” when you are home 24/7. He unintentionally makes you hate yourself for not being the woman you “should” be or doing all that you are “supposed” to be doing each day.
You spend hours every day trying to play catch-up. You wake up at 6:30 am every morning. You cook, clean, pack lunches, do laundry, help with homework, clean up after every other household member, and look after the pets. You cyber school your son because he is still going through problems that need tons of extra attention. You spend hours every day and night writing and doing tedious little tasks for any extra penny you can find. You go to bed well after midnight every night—even on the weekends–because you work seven days a week, trying to make yourself an equal in your own eyes (as well as in others’ eyes).
Your muscles never stop aching, cramping, and twitching. You never feel rested anymore. You have a constant headache and get frequent migraines. You get dizzy and lightheaded. Random rashes appear out of nowhere to make you miserable. You cry when no one is looking because they no longer want to hear about your pain and fatigue. You cry sometimes even when everyone is looking because it becomes too much to bear.
It’s time, Rosalie, to start making yourself a priority. Of course, nothing can change your need for more money. Fibromyalgia will most likely haunt you until your dying day. But, please, take care of yourself and seek others who truly care and understand. This battle is a hard and long one. This condition doesn’t kill, but it destroys lives just as easily as any cancer or other terminal illness. It robs people of their dignity, dreams, mobility, careers, friends, marriages, and aspirations. It makes every day a living hell, so no one should face this alone.
Find a better place in this world, Rosalie. Rise above all of this ugliness and find your place in this world. Find where you are truly wanted and needed, so you always have purpose to take back with you while you work these problems out. And remember, you are never alone. There are plenty of others who are going through similar situations and they are always around. Plus, you have a loving and powerful God looking after you. He will provide and comfort you always.